when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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