i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize