Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
