I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
