I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
