um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
