During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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