So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize