If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize