This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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