paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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