after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
