drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
