I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
