i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
