i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
