Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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