ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
