I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
