I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
