i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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