The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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