Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize