The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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