When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
