i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
40s are totally the cure
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
