K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
