don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We got so high we made milksteak
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
