I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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