I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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