How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
