I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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