You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
