I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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