i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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