if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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