I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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