Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it's like iHOP with fire
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize