I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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