So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
