she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
