At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize