Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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