We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
