i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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