I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize