I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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