Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
