Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
