Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
