Non-Jews are for practice
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize