You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
