Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
