Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
