i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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