1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
