Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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