like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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