Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
