For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
