sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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