i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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