My nipple is on Facebook.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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