you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
