All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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