i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
